83. It was created to do amazing things. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 8. Why was six scared of seven? 250. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. 128. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. I am on a seafood diet. 65. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 127. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 214. I never apologize. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 1. Bill Murray Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. 177. 89. 3. 136. 150. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 174. Happy Birthday.". 268. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. Really? As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Why is England the wettest country? Ann Landers You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 38. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! Breasts dont have eyes. 278. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Wonderwoman: single. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 121. 184. 53. 128. We frequently doubt ourselves. What is Mozart doing right now? It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Robert Bloch If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. I am lazy till I get a motive. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Today I was a hero. Pat Sajak Ben Hogan. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. 3. 78. You deserve it! 155. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. The library, because it has so many stories. I didnt want to interrupt her. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. 240. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. It has nothing new to tell you. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. The only power you have is the word no. Albert Einstein 123. 2. 42. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. 239. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. - Benjamin Franklin. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. - Catherine Pulsifer. 211. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . 251. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Alright, get in the basket.. 63. I just go normal from time to time. Good morning! 88. Laughter brings me closer to people. 72. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 75. Henny Youngman Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 244. 207. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. 142. I dont care! Funny Friday Quotes. 122. Not me, but somebody does. Be careful when you follow the masses. Ive been doing nothing for years. 225. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. I am constantly growing and improving. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Today, I am thankful for this week. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. 10. Sam Levenson. Jonathan lockwood huie. 188. Sam Levenson I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. 208. East. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. I am fine. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 179. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Never ask a starfish for directions. 1. 3. A gummy bear. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 125. 168. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 227. 119. 196. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Its okay if people dont like me. Envelope. 26. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. They planet. Franklin Jones 25. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Socrates. 187. Bill Gates. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 141. 206. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 50. 162. 152. 107. My mind is becoming much sharper. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Life always offers you a second chance. 99. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 149. Exercise? Bill Murray, 257. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. 174. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? How do you count cows? What did one ocean say to the other ocean? What do computers eat for a snack? God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. I know the best time to make fun. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Flip Wilson 150. Live life to the fullest. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. I see food, and I eat it. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 151. George Burns, 253. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 88. 39. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. Sincerely, yourself., 2. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. 154. 193. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. 16. 31. 120. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Why cant you trust an atom? Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 162. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Life begins on Friday night. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. When they go away, its a brighter day. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". 209. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. "Your mistakes don't define you.". Franklin Jones, 259. - Jeffrey Gitomer. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Life is becoming easier and less serious. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. P.D. Erma Bombeck. 189. 213. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. When life closes a door, just open it again. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. It will just flow naturally. Why was six scared of seven? Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. 96. Not me, but somebody does. 172. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 145. Life always offers you a second chance. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. 1. 91. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. How do trees access the internet? 183. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 2. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. 46. 108. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. 168. 9. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Rome wasnt built in a day. Today is a great day. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. 166. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 54. Bill Murray, 258. 171. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. Ken Dodd 4. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 260. Ive been doing nothing for years. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. I receive what I believe. 104. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. 165. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Your email address will not be published. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 29. 254. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. 172. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 261. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Albert Einstein Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 213. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. It gets toad away. Be careful when you follow the masses. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 2. 73. 101. 22. I love my kids, which means I am doing just fine. Roy Lichtenstein. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Cry a river. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. But you can always be immature. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. No matter what I look like. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Bill Murray, 260. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Pat Sajak, 41. "Disconnect to connect.". Honolulu, its got everything. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. Im gonna be worse., 12. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. But then again so does . My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 277. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Funny Daily Affirmations. 112. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. The thing is, I am still getting ready. 132. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. Edward A. Murphy My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 100. Because it was soda pressing. 209. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 200. 212. I am lazy till I get a motive. 3. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. 9. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 1. I thought you said extra fries. 9. A wishbone. A wishbone. 3. 40. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. I enjoy every minute of it. But you can always be immature. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 85. 229. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 14. Yeah, so is a grenade. At night, I cant fall asleep. What is Mozart doing right now? Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 7. It just plain forms. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. Alison Boulter 9. - Bette Midler. 50. Youre not tequila., 5. 109. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. Henny Youngman, 246. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. Yeah, so is a grenade. 166. 64. 113. My chins are a stairway to heaven. Leave me a if you agree! I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. 218. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 1. My jokes do. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Need to send some positive energy your way? Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I am lazy till I get a motive. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 143. 259. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Not a peli-cant. 170. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. 3. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 262. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? I am too lazy to be lazy. 217. My mistakes dont define me. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 177. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! 49. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Sincerely, the floor. Send me the link. 112. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. And a funny bone. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. 3. 273. 113. 53. 4. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 8. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. 70. 198. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. My mistakes dont define me. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. 17. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 169. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. I honor that time. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. - Roy T. Bennett. Also read: 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. 126. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. How do you count cows? 37. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 180. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. No No NOYes. Because it was soda pressing. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 55. 111. 264. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. The thing is, Im still getting ready. We need to hear a pin drop. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 59. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Czech proverb, 261. 181. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 211. Albert Einstein, 190. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know The best things in life are free. It just plain forms. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 24. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. 221. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 151. 139. Not everyone has good taste. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. When they go away, its a brighter day. A wishbone. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Thank God Im an atheist. Its called tomorrow. It doesnt work if it is not open. 73. 9. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I dont think thats a coincidence. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 130. My cankles will hold me. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? When life closes a door, just open it again. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? - Irish Saying. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. 161. He who laughs last didnt get it. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. Just like every Monday does on Earth. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. 66. In the morning, I cant get up. All rights reserved. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. 207. 267. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. 32. 146. 26. 69. Positive mindset affirmations. 80. 214. 74. I did it! I am awesome. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Helen Giangregorio Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Why is England the wettest country? People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated.