husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

She has thus far missed out on several family gatherings and her best friends wedding, because her husband could not get off time to go. Sorry for the confusion. I trusted him, he was fine. Yes, they pay for his airfare and, if necessary, the difference in the hotel room rate and they dont spend that much time together, but they spend *some* time together and are at least getting to see each other for some part of the day.). Agreed. Ive been to Vegas many, many times. He doesnt completely get it and I know hed rather I not go, but he definitely doesnt tell me I cant. is a really good sign! Projecting your particular set of issues on to everyone else really is not helpful. Meanwhile, Im building a scene in my head where shes been kidnapped and terrible things are happening to her. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. < accurate. Does he worry about you when you go shopping alone, or when you work late at the office? And not for couples counselling, either she needs to work on strategies to deal with him. I LOVE it when my wife travels. Post author By ; impossible burger font Post date July 1, 2022; southern california hunting dog training . Sin City. He could show he loves you by treating you as an equal and making you know that your feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter. On the flip side however, I do know some couples who havent spent a night apart in 20+ years. Its absolutely true, and she gets so. The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. HE is the one who needs counseling; going together would send the message that its an us issue. Sometimes together (we work for the same agency), but mostly separate. This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. Maybe Im wrong. Mind you, I never told them that they shouldnt go (did tell my wife at the WTF? For example, many people have inherited cultural baggage that makes them scoff at the idea of therapy, which they think is for crazy people. I accidentally ended up at a naked sex drug party once, quite to my own embarrassment, but that was in Akron, Ohio. He made her upset the entire trip last time. He does worry about my safety. Dont choke or burn yourself! Im not judging one way or another Im simply suggesting that you look at your relationship through a bigger lens than just this trip. I agree in principle, but I think its easy for certain couples with significant shared responsibilities to fall into the language of permission, and its not always a red flag. (also, the remedy would normally be that both the wife and husband go to Vegas, not that the husband bans the business trip), I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple.. Stay at Luxor for dirt cheap, or Mandalay Bay for the pool. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. Well, it depends. One reputation of the city, deliberately played up in media, is that it is a raunchy sin city full of gamboling, sex, and wild parties. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation I have one. What is wrong with people? I thought his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. He may be social with neighbors and coworkers, but hes not a friendly guy. I mean, she could get kidnapped! But itseems like they want totake things slowly. Las Vegas facilities can serve dinner to 5000+ people in less than 30 minutes without breaking a sweat. It will improve not only this small piece of your relationship, but his whole life. New Message From: MayaSubject: Iwent home after overhearing myhusband and his mom saying they didnt want metobeapart ofthe family vacation.Every year, myhusband goes onafamily vacation. If he refuses to go, go alone. Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. I second counseling. I suspect LWs husband doesnt *really* believe she will be kidnapped in Las Vegas. Actually, it would be easy for my husband to find someone who shares these views. But I did find pictures of her with male strippers so yeah Im nervous shes younger and hasnt traveled like I have the world can be dangerous. Did they make the decision she would be the primary breadwinner or is it something that came out of him losing his job or having a job that doesnt pay as much as hers? I suppose, trying to be as charitable as possible, I would agree that Vegas has kind of a skeezy reputation and I would prefer a reputable company to do the trip somewhere more wholesome. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. But, because of Vegass layout & security, those places are no where near the big hotels/conference centers. I wonder if OPs husband has watched too much CSI? Yeah. He called to tell me he won a bunch of money at Black Jack and was getting free drinks. I agree with Alison here. He will tell me if something is wrong as I will. Businesses plan conferences in Las Vegas because the rooms are dirt cheap, not because theyre planning some sort of raucous party. Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. I went for the first time over the summer. I dated a guy like that! And thats all the sin city branding is too an advertising campaign to better separate certain demographics of travellers from their money, just like Disneys happiest place on earth branding is an advertising campaign to better separate a different demographic of travellers from their money. Some women even LIVE in Las Vegas! I say this as an anxiety disorder sufferer who becomes excessively worried when my partner travels for work, but of course I support him regardless of the fact that its stressful for me m y anxiety is on me to manage in a healthy way. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. going together would send the message that its an us issue. I dont know about gambling but partying? its really funny, because Vegas has lately been billed as a great place to go for a family vacation! You dont get an opinion on whether youre dumped!! The big difference is that OPs husband cant keep an eye on her when shes in Vegas. The thing is he takes work trips more often than I do! For work. (Overeating or eating rich foods, drinking, drugs, gambling, or sex?) Youve talked about what your husband thinks of the trip, and what you reckon the impact of going and not going would be on your career. I guess I read that differently than everyone else? Vegas is an extremely popular destination for conferences and business trips. I took a look at the menu for Gordon Ramsays burger place and almost stroked out. Good luck and enjoy the trip. I definitely do know what you mean, and what the OP describes is definitely on the problematic side of asking for permission she listed off reasons the husband has given that she shouldnt go to this particular place, not reasons why it would be logistically difficult for him or any other rational concerns. It does sound like some type of anxiety as these worries are extreme. Sorry not sorry. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over - Scary Mommy And in small towns all over America people are being shot in churches, schools, shopping malls etc. I have the same problem and have since I was a child. And here we are, reading a letter from a woman concerned that her career will destroy her marriage because everyone told her husband so. I hope youll get the chance to play some poker while youre there. [He loves playing poker but seldom gets to play, as Im not a fan of the game.]. Its not you I dont trust, its other people.. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit. Advising someone that most religious counselors would agree with professional norms doesnt help someone in Bible Belt USA or traditionally Catholic Ireland or in rural Saudi Arabia. I guess it's doable, but I wouldn't do it. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. AND that a little drinking and dancing and playing roulette (pick your game), or even a LOT of drinking and dancing and playing roulette, which is what many people do is Las Vegas, is not a particularly scandalous thing to many people. If youre from a community where a spouse needs to sign off on business travel and letting you go is a real thing, I suggest couples counseling to explore that. Alison doesnt usually change letter writers words, so I think itll probably stand as is. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. It is not normal or rational. Ifthings are still strained, wewould recommend setting upanappointment with amediator ortherapist who specializes incouples therapy. Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. Just Saying. Do I refuse to go to save my marriage or go on the trip and try to keep good stance in my company? Its not clear how much of this is general anxiety versus a specific concern about Las Vegas, but for the latter, some combination of yeah, Vegas might have been like that fifty years ago, but this is 2017 and its tame now and you cant believe everything you see on TV, theyre just going for the ratings might help. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. I dont think youre going to be able to use logic or rational arguments to rid him of any fears. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. I dont gamble but I love New Orleans it feels like an adults only carnival. Your husband has some very abnormal thoughts and I cant any scenario where you not going to Vegas has any bearing on the kind of warped thinking going on in his brain. I understand your point, but I think that it is in the LWs best interest to suggest counseling first since she says her husband is otherwise reasonable and kind. Because reallyif the intent is there, a spouse can cheat anywhere. Shed never thought about it because shed only seen the Strip depictions. But its also wildly irrelevant in terms of a OPs business trip. To me, wholesome is about the primary purpose of the activity. We look out for each other. I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. Ifyoure feeling left out, that means something iswrong. Honestly, given his insistence that your company is basically trying to ruin your marriage by sending you on a business trip and the tenor of the conversations hes had with others about allowing you to do your damn job, my gut screams traditionalist underachieving man threatened by successful wife. You feel this way, youre affected in this way, you would like to see this happen, and so on. We are individual people, and of course we take each other into account, but ultimately neither of us is the others possession or pet. Your level of trust in him. I have anxiety disorder and I do worry excessively (one time to the point of a panic attack) when my husband travels for work, but thats on me to manage. But we should really just be taking OPs word for it that the issue she outlined is the issue there is. You could talk tohim about why hedoesnt want you there and see ifthere are any issues that need toberesolved outside ofavacation setting, oryou could simply ask him ifhed like you togowith him next time. His income was mostly for his own frivolous purchases, my job paid the rent and most of the utilities (he paid his own phone bill and bitched about it nonstop). Oh, for sure. Sounds great. Since its the church he was raised in, she feels like his judgement rules on that. Ill be safer and better nourished (I am a run of the mill vegetarian, but somehow that was hard to deal with, too. Also, if the OP is there for work, chances are shell be in meetings all day and then answering emails in her room at night. Ack. Its either anxiety or abuse, or both, or neither; and none of those things address the husbands *behaviour* or the OPs next steps. Usluge graevinskih radova niskogradnje. They just find more things to get worried about. 1. Yes, we fly in on Monday and are out by Friday. If he gets therapy and can get his anxiety and toxic masculinity under control, that would be one thing. Iasked ifI could come. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! And Id add that theres a difference between (unwarranted) demands rooted in irrational fears, and those rooted in control/trust issues. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. I think its fine for different people to have different types of relationships. Hes watched too many college Spring Break movies, right? You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. Thats not how this works!! I call him every day to give him some reassurance that Im fine, and that helps. If it was possible to take him along I could see that potentially helping if the main issue is wrong information and assumptions. For sure gamboling DOES occur in Vegas, same as gambling :). Op, your husband is out of line and sounds very insecure. Its OK to not be 100% available to handle his feelings 100% of the time! When you try to say you wont let me do something, that tells me that you think Im too incompetent to make an appropriate choice on my own, which is really disrespectful. -03-2022, 0 Comments Im sorry I love my wife and Ive been to Vegas myself and my wife hasnt traveled that much. I think this is my problem with some of the suggestions that OP should bring her husband on the trip. In summer it doesnt really get properly dark at all, and not until after midnight. I see wholesome as suitable for minors and conservative folks, so yeah, sex work isnt that. Just stayed at a swanky suite in the Venetian with a view of the strip for $140/night. (In 1989 there was 24-hour keno in practically every restaurant.). Ahh, I was wondering where he found all these friends. This is about control. Needless to say, I did not find this a compelling argument for reconciling. Each year my entire family goes to the beach at the end gets a beach house where we stay for a week. Vegas does business trips right. My Husband Didn't Want Me to Go on Vacation With His Family. There are few things worse than insisting that your partner go to therapy, and then having them misrepresent the situation and use therapy to validate themselves. I would imagine thats what happens in Vegas for a great many solo work travelers. Its like some people dont realize that it takes two people to have a relationship. Im not even sure how I would react to that. This seems to be a common pattern, though of course not a certainty. hahaha, further confirmation of your choice. He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. Ment would not. We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. Vegas skeezy rep is about 50 years out of date at this point. Collect them from travel agents and show it to your husband, wife or partner. This. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. Its not some ridiculous naked sex drug party. I have a friend who doesnt drink, gamble, or smoke and Vegas is one of her favorite vacation places. I dont think its all that misogynistic cheating isnt the only thing hes worried about. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationguinness irish stew slow cooker. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. So maybe the husband should only attempt to veto conferences in the Midwest? They were both married to other people, started an affair that weekend, and eventually left their spouses. An emotionally distant husband may often seem indifferent or indecisive about decisions: Vacation destinations. He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. within arms range. I know many wonderful non-abusive people who would raise a hairy eyeball over this. EhIm not calling a mans insecurities abuse. We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation In the end, she chose her career and her child (who was 4 years old then) over her husband, because she eventually realized that this behavior was not normal, and was not a reflection on her. The good part is that I was able to figure out why I had that reaction, which (mostly) made it go away. Ask questions like: Why didnt Iget invited? Then listen carefully asheanswers these questions and try not tointerrupt him orjump inwith your own thoughts onthe matter until hes finished explaining his reasoning, even ifitfeels like aneternity. Other than me being bored out of my skull, nothing happened! The main drag did not feel dangerous to me at all. For example, phone #: 123-333-4567. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. They might be mad that they're not invited . At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. They may not all work for you, but I hope that at least some will be helpful. You definitely need counseling, and he may need his own as well. Having just returned from an exhausting but informative 3-day event in Las Vegas let me assure you when youre at the conference center/hotels there is security up the wahzoo and those folks are awesome. Leave the argument and do that as consistently as you can. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. Clearly it was a biased survey either way, but Im just very curious :P. I can totally see it being true assuming his friends were not also her friends and therefore only ever got his side of the story on anything, so of course they believe him and think shes in the wrong. Your absence is the absence of any possible reward for his behaviour. My husband never wants to go out and do things. I have to beg - Quora Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. This happens to me at the worst times, like when Im walking home in the evening or when Im doing chores alone around the house I get this feeling like im starting in the opening sequence of whatever creepy procedural I was watching. Right? Like Winter says . Or get off? Yup. Immediate marriage counseling is required and if he wont go, see a counselor yourself. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. $60/night + $30/night resort fee, and $30 worth of groceries for the week kept me out of the pricey restaurants. Right. This was not such a culture. Youre an adult, OP! either. If the problem isnt the one everyone jumps on, that means the LW get a lot of useless advice on a problem they dont have. The only thing I dont like about this suggestion is the implication that OPs husband can supervise her to make sure shes not cheating. Dont let his fear poison that for you, it wont end well for your happiness or well being. It is ideally set up to host conferences. Im wondering if hes ever been to Vegas? Is he jealous he cant go with you? It is a diverse and lively neighborhood with fantastic food choices and interesting shops. Theres other stuff to when she was in Vegas last she dressed differently and the way she talked to me. About 3 months in (together 3 years now), I went for a very long walk, in a not-well-lit, bad sidewalks area, as I was used to doing. Yes, but trailer park crimes are good, upstanding crimes like cooking meth and domestic violence, and obviously those crimes are less dangerous to bystanders than being attacked by a sex criminal just for walking down the street. Its bizarre to talk about letting another adult do anythingtalk about patronizing. I cant recall exactly how they recommended to handle it, but it started with asking the spouse about what exactly they feared and coming to a compromise that would address the fear. He was so untrusting, I wondered if I had made a huge mistake in marrying him we had only been together for a little over a year before marriage. First, it doesnt workanxiety will inevitably find things to be anxious about, ultimatelyand second, its not reasonable or feasible to ask someone to do that. P.S., you forgot to shill The Gift of Fear.. Thank you for sharing this. Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. If hes of the mind that the husband should be the breadwinner then it sounds like insecurity about his own career. I know Im a good driver, and that I can handle this, but every time you have these little worry fits you make me doubt myself. I understand where youre coming from, but even if this is exclusively his issue, joint therapy sessions can help each partner understand the others perspective. Frankly, there are very few cities that can handle massive conferences and Vegas may be the only option for the OPs company. There doesnt seem to be a whole lot of recognition of either here. I had to speak on a panel one afternoon and give a presentation the next morning, but the conference I spoke at was not for my industry so I had no connections or contacts there. Where I live, they would agree with the husbands position. Sure, that could be the problem. Marriage should be about love, not control. I made this comment on the most recent one of those! but it was the backbone of learning to manage anxiety. When the plans were being made hubby was not over excited but was ok with it. After the last Vegas conference 4 years ago, where more people got fired for misconduct than should have, my company has put a stop to holding regional or national conferences there. She is bottle fed and was at that time, too, so if your LO is EBF, I'd say add more time. Im also a Chicagoan with an irrational former fiance. As someone who also suffers from anxiety and irrational fears about my partners safety, this is such a kind response and vivid description of how (otherwise) reasonable people can become unreasonable. He can express an opinion at most. My husband makes every work trip a miserable experience for me and is angry at me for days before and days after. I got a sense of that with first part of the letter, but then the follow-up indicated he said his pals would not LET their spouses/sig others go well, thats a pretty bright red flag there. One of my favorite business trips was a 3-day solo trip to Vegas. But leave out the reasons, the excuses, the justifications and the emotions, as far as you can. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. Bonus was that the skills I learned translate to my professional and personal life *every day*. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! I personally hate Vegas, but I would never question the idea of sending a business trip there because its typically the cheapest place you can gather people from offices all over the continent. Conversely I dont think Ive ever paid less than $200/night for a business-class hotel in NYC, Austin, LA, etc. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. Hehesitated, but agreed.Onthe third day ofthe vacation, his parents, brothers, and their spouses were all sitting atatable outside whileI was preparing afruit salad. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. What the hell? Both individuals will benefit from communication tools to use in challenging this kind of worry-filled thinking. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. If possible, Id suggest both individual and joint counseling. We walk through various casinos and gawk. Its also an irrational state of fear and I think people forget what that means. Especially if you think it is an anxiety-stemming thing, instead of a control-stemming thing. In fact, were taking separate vacations this year not to Vegas, but we each wanted something completely different, so were going at different times to different parts of the world.